Bridges
by LE McMurray
Summary: Nick talks about his grandson.


Author's notes:-Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing as always.

* * *

It has never been the case that I did not love my grandson. I do, I always have. When I first held him not long after his birth that angelic expression just captured my heart like it did everyone who held him.

x

My relationship with my daughter was not a good one. After the unexpected death of my wife I isolated myself from my brilliant and wonderful child because Claire was the image of her mother. Years passed and we barely spoke I went all around the world as she studied herself to become an archaeologist. I kept tabs on her work through my wife's parents who Claire stayed with after my beloved Anna's death and I was happy to know she was doing well within her chosen field.

When I discovered she was marrying I winced at the invitation I received to the wedding. Harshly worded she was obviously not expecting me to come but I wanted to meet the man who Claire deemed good enough for her. My arrival was not greeted with smiles but a hard glare.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded, looking radiant in her wedding dress.

"I received your invitation," I replied, "And wanted to see you marry."

"How dare you," she snapped her blue eyes flashing with anger, "You abandoned me and now you think you can just walk back into my life now, on what should be the happiest day of my life. Why?"

I bowed my head, "Claire, I am sorry but when I received your invitation…" I trailed off seeing the confusion in her eyes, "You didn't send me the invitation."

"Mel made me write one he must have sent it," she fumed, "I didn't think you'd want to come. It's not like you've taken an interest in my life."

I felt as though a knife struck my heart when I realised just how badly I had messed up my relationship with my daughter.

"When your mother died," I explained quietly, "Every time I saw you I saw her."

"That's why you left?" she asked her anger lessening.

"I left because I am stupid," I told her, "And I wish to make it up to you."

Her blue eyes softened and she smiled, "You can start by walking me down the aisle."

My pride swelled at my daughter's strength and capacity to forgive this idiotic old man who was her father. Her eyes shone with love as she walked towards the man who was to be her husband and I could not stop smiling as I watched her wed.

Mel Jackson was not only a smart man; another archaeologist but he obviously loved my daughter without question. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at her, when she smiled at him and I knew she would be happy.

x

Over the years she and Mel travelled around Egypt a great deal as I travelled other countries but we wrote to each other often. She told me of discoveries they made and stories from the digs they were on, I looked forward to the arrival of every one of her letters. Then one day I opened her latest letter confused at seeing a mostly blank page until I read the small note at the bottom.

Dear Dad,

We're having a baby.

Love Claire.

After my initial shock wore off I dropped all my work and caught a plane to see them. Claire looked absolutely wonderful and was pleased to see me. She hugged me tightly her smile never leaving her face. I laughed as she spoke of Mel's all consuming cheerfulness since Claire had told him of her pregnancy. I reluctantly told her of how similar it was to my reaction of the news of Anna's pregnancy making Claire laugh.

Mel was pleased to see me and we all talked long into that night. I spent several days with them before I had to return to my own work.

A few months later Claire called to tell me I was a grandfather. She'd had a boy, a child they named Daniel Nicholas after both of his grandfathers. I was overjoyed and rushed immediately to see all three of them.

Daniel was a wonderful child, so placid and contented. He was beautiful.

Holding him for the first time I smiled and looked forward to getting to know the child in my arms.

x

Claire and Mel spent a year in America at the local museum until Daniel was old enough to travel with them. The golden haired little boy was so full of life and the moment he could walk he was touching and studying everything he could get his hands on. Claire told me of how he was completely fascinated by what they were finding on their dig and I knew then and there Daniel would become an archaeologist like his parents.

I called them on Daniel's second birthday and was absolutely stunned when the boy came on the phone and said hello to me, in six different languages. It was then I discovered that my grandson was a genius. I could not wait to see them.

I believe one of my first mistakes when it came to trying to bond with my grandson was getting him to call me Nick. I was trying to make myself accessible to him but instead it made him confused and distant from me.

I did the best I could to be his friend and that was probably my second mistake. I should have been his grandfather but I wasn't.

x

The day Claire and Mel were killed I was working out of touch but all that day I couldn't shake a feeling of dread. It was two months later I discovered what had happened to my daughter and her husband.

I was ready to take Daniel and adopt him so that he would be safe and then I saw him sitting there waiting for me.

I couldn't take him.

He was the spitting image of his mother; the spitting image of his grandmother and that selfish part of me took control. I couldn't look every day to see the faces of the two women I loved in the boy so I abandoned him.

I was kept informed of his progress by letters every so often from the people caring for him and I would write to him telling him of things I discovered. The letters I received from Daniel were always very formal and distant making me hate myself for not raising the boy but as usual my selfishness at not wanting the reminder of all I had lost meant I never returned.

x

When I had my breakdown I asked him to come and see me. Daniel being the good soul he was came. Every time he appeared it brightened my day, my grandson was an intelligent, hard working, kind soul whose charm was endearing to all those around him. Many of the other residents enjoyed his visits also as he would speak with many of them. We spoke about his studies and the places he travelled to, one subject that never came up was friends or anyone special in his life he wasn't comfortable speaking about things personal with me.

Then came the day that next to abandoning my only grandchild in his neediest moment rates as the stupidest thing I have ever done.

He started telling me about his theories and I instantly dismissed them as nonsense. Daniel however was his mother's son and I underestimated the passion he had for his work. Daniel argued back with me trying to make me see he was right but I did not want him throwing away his career. Finally my frustration with him grew to the point where I let my anger spill out and I ordered him to leave.

"Come back when you won't be a disgrace to your parents," I shouted after him.

I saw his face pale to a point where I thought he would pass out but instead he turned on his heel and marched out.

That was the last day I saw him.

x

Four years passed and no word came from my grandson. I heard about his disastrous lecture the few days after our argument and my heart ached that I was not there for him because I ruined my relationship with the boy.

I tried to find him, to apologise, to make him understand I never meant what I said but there was absolutely no trace of him whatsoever.

I missed him. I missed his energetic brilliance, the passion he attacked his studies with and the gentility that shone in his eyes.

Then the day arrived that I heard of him. When three people came to visit, bringing with them what I thought was a hallucination.

Colonel Jack O'Neill the leader introduced himself as, what was my grandson doing with the military?

They had found an identical skull to mine and I demanded to see it then I knew that they had been where I had. I apologised to what I believed was my hallucination only to discover it truly was my grandson standing there in need of my help.

Daniel told me everything about what he was doing, the Stargate and how he'd been right. I listened in fascination wanting to ask more and more questions especially when in passing he mentioned a wife.

Finally we talked to those in charge and I left him again.

x

No matter how much I am learning here I know that once again I abandoned my only family for my own selfish reasons. I love my grandson, I do and one day I'll be able to tell him. One day I'll let him know.

One day I'll build that bridge where I can finally be the grandfather he always deserved.


End file.
